Regrets
by Hellion-Kat
Summary: What did Sesshomaru say to Rin to cause her to run away? Will she ever forgive the lord of the Western lands? ONE SHOT


**Regrets**

* * *

Rin had grown rapidly since she had first come to him an innocent.

So much so that he didn't really recognize her as a girl but more of something between a woman and the child he remembered. With her hair no longer short but a healthy silken black she had seemed to blossom in other area's as well.

Scoffing at thinking such things Sesshomaru inwardly sighed.

Rin had become a very bright child as well. With all the lessons he had given her and the things he had taught her, like being a proper lady and the trials of court life; how to defend herself from demons, how to fend in the forest when all alone. Things that would get her through in life.

A life without him.

Sesshomaru had always wondered what would happen if he had never saved Rin, what his life would have been like without her. How his life could have been so different if he had left her dead.

Rin was a true paradox to him she never once looked at him in fear or pain, she always seemed to be laughing or cheerful when ever she was with him, and she was the one person he could have a real intelligent conversation with... well there was Jaken...but the only thing he was good for was ordering around.

But one day soon she would have to leave him. No longer his Rin to take care of and hide from the world. her affairs would be her own. Sesshomaru pondered at this for a while, he knew that, that day would come very soon with the way Rin was behaving, she would sometimes ask if it would be okay if she could go to the village and buy a dress for herself instead of Jaken doing it, or the time she had watched two lovers together holding hands.

Sesshomaru grimaced at that memory. If he could remember correctly that brought on many questions from the growing woman.

'Why are they so close to each other like that Sesshomaru-sama?'

'...because they are probably in heat...'

'What's that?'

'Never mind Rin... their in *shudder* love...'

'Love?'

'...'

'What's love?'

'It's just a stupid human emotion...'

'Does Sesshomaru-sama love Rin?'

'...go back to the castle Rin'.

'Hai Seshomaru-sama, Rin loves you!'

After that Sesshomaru had been very cautious around her, what she had said to him...she didn't understand the meaning of the mortal word love and neither did he.

Love...it was the emotion that had entwined that human wench to his father, it had gotten him killed, it was something that he Sesshomaru had no time for, a stupid emotion like that.

But then again...he wouldn't be thinking this if he hadn't been beginning to feel close to that girl.

Whenever she would smile up at him it made something inside of him tick, and she was turning into a woman that was attractive with the pretty kimonos she would wear. Attractive to him for a human anyway, but when everyday day would turn into night and she would say those 'words' to him.

'I love you Sesshomaru-sama.'

That had always irked him the most, and even though he would never say anything back to her he couldn't help but smile a little bit to make up for could he tell her that demons were supposed to be unfeeling creatures that didn't have emotions like that?

He couldn't.

To tell Rin that she was his one weakness that he would be better off without...it would hurt her terribly, he knew. But it would be for her own good, she could go off into one of those human villages and find a mate with one of the men there. Sesshomaru growled at this, the thought of his Rin marrying someone bellow her was unseen by him.

Brooding along his castle's corridor Sesshomaru finally realized where he had wandered; right beside his father's old bedroom. Left untouched by anyone since the day he had father had kept that woman inside there, it was also the place where that woman conceived that brat shuddered involuntarily at that thought.

He really should get some rest, even though youkai didn't need sleep it would calm his tired nerves.

Yet, that was the reason why he was staying up at night, lately he had been having disturbing dreams where he and Rin shared more than just holding wasn't like he purposely dreamt up these youkai lords could blush Sesshomaru would be doing that right about now, even though he'd never admit to it in a thousand years.

Staring at the door to his father and his mate's bedroom, Sesshomaru was going to continue his brooding, till he glanced at the door one more time.

Why not rummage through his father's belongings? He had never thought of it before, but it might be intriguing if he found something about the Tetsusaiga or a way to defeat that stupid hanyou. Opening the door quietly Sesshomaru looked daringly into the room. Nothing had changed since he had last seen it, well there were cob webs and everything was collecting dust, but everything seemed fine...Hold on what's this?

It seemed to be a bottle of alcohol his father had left behind atop hisfather's study.

No wonder his father drank so much, he had that human woman constantly nagging him, Sesshomaru thought somberly.

But his father had said that alcohol was one of the things the humans had done right. Maybe if he could have just a little drink not even, maybe it would numb his thoughts of Rin and what he should do with her. It wouldn't effect him too sorely since he wasn't a weak human, he was a great youkai lord after all, he was a master of control.

Taking the drink cautiously into his claws Sesshomaru opened the cap and took a sip.

Hmmm...this wasn't so bad..maybe his father had been right...

10 minutes later the bottle was completely empty as the rest of it's content was dripping from the edge of the so called master of control sprawled out on the floor underneath of it.

Ahhh yes what a wonderful feeling this numbness...it feels so pleasant...Sesshomaru than thought of Rin in one of her usual beautiful kimonos smiling up at him.

Feh, wasn't that the reason why I became like this?

To escape thoughts of her...

* * *

Like her guardian Rin could not sleep that starless night either.

Usually around this time Sesshomaru would come into her bedroom to tuck her into though Rin was old enough to do this herself, she cherished it the most.

She would fall asleep telling him what she truly felt inside, that she loved him with all her heart. And though he wouldn't say anything, he would always smile down at her. Not one of his passive smiles but a real always gave her hope that she had a place in his heart just as he had a place in hers. Though he would never admit it to anyone not even to himself he cared for her deeply as if she was his own pup.

Rin frowned sadly at that.

But I don't want him to think of me as a child anymore, I want him to love me as a woman.

Blushing at this Rin remembered the first time she had seen two human lovers holding hands, how they had looked into each others eyes, and how they had whispered words of love and looked so at peace with the world.

I want Sesshomaru to be that way with me, I want him to hold me and tell me love words. But sadly Sesshomaru did not know that Rin felt this way about him only *shudder* Jaken did when he had been spying her putting on pretty kimonos to please Sesshomaru.

'I wonder if Sesshomaru will think I'm pretty if I wear this kimono or this one?'

'Girl what do you think you are doing?'

'Kyaaa! Hentai!'

*whap*

'Gah you bitch! What makes you think Sesshomaru will like anything you wear ugly girl?'

*whap whap whap*

'Bah!Oww! Bitch! You're just a means of entertainment to him, when he's bored of you filthy human he'll throw you away.'

What Jaken had said that day...it wasn't true! Sesshomaru did love her, he was just too afraid to admit it. Rin had learned from Jaken how Sesshomaru's father had deserted his mother and wed a human wife, leaving Sesshomaru's mother to die in the misery he had caused her. That must have been terrible for a young Sesshomaru, to know that his own blood mother died because of his father. No wonder he hated humans so much...but that couldn't mean he hated her!

Getting up out of bed Rin moved to her mirror as she stared at her image that it reflected.

I wonder what he thinks of me now that I have grown into a young woman? Through lidded eyes she imagined Sesshomaru holding her close to him, his usual impassive face shining with happiness at her his eyes were full of love.

Rin giggled at this.

I don't think Sesshomaru's face could ever express happiness like that, his face is always so solemn...and I want to be the one to change that for good. Moving away from her mirror Rin decided she would go look for Sesshomaru.

He must be wandering about somewhere because I heard his footsteps a few minutes ago.

* * *

Sesshomaru stumbled a multitude of times as his head ached him so.

I think I had too much to drink...His vision seemed to be doubling over and his whole body felt numb, it was a hassle just moving his legs, that stuff must have been really strong!

Sesshomaru turned around only to find he had bumped into something short and bumpy.

Oh, it's only Jaken, that annoying toad who served him.

"Sesshomaru-sama! Are you alright?"

Ignoring the toad Sesshomaru shifted to the side, and huffed finally answering Jaken.

"Fine, fine." Stumbling a bit more Sesshomaru leaned against the wall for support.

"I was just thinking of how much that girl troubles me with her constant... appearance." Jaken was taken a back by what his Lord was saying, nodding his ugly head he agreed.

"Yes, yes that human girl has over done here stay at Sesshomaru's castle." Afraid he had spoken too freely in front of his master Jaken ducked his head in a knowing way as he waited for the whap to come, when it didn't, he looked confusedly at his master.

"I couldn't agree more Jaken."

Rin stared at them a horrified expression passing on her face.

No...no Sesshomaru please no...He couldn't really mean that! Had Jaken been right all along? Was she only a means of entertainment and then when he'd get sick of her he'd throw away like a used toy?

No, she thought terrified, I must ask him...I must see if this is true for myself.

Both the toad and the demon lord turned their attention to Rin as she meekly began to speak.

"Sesshomaru...is this...true?!"

With a serious face on, he stared at her, his eyes almost glazed. "Yes Rin you are my one weakness...I would be better off with out..."

Face turned white, Rin's whole body froze in pain.

"Your...one weakness better off...without?!" She whispered brokenly staring at the one thing she had loved all her life. Ever since he had saved her, protected her, clothed her, treated her like his own...it had only been for his own self amusement...playing with her feelings all this time. He wanted her to leave just like that?

Then she must mean nothing to him. Hot tears streamed down her eyes as she felt her heart break in two.

As quickly as she found them talking she was gone in a haze of tears.

Jaken smiled wickedly as he watched the stupid woman leave, boasting his chest up in triumph."Serves her right, foolish human believing that Sesshomaru-sama great lord of the western lands could love one such as her...Sesshomaru-sama..Sesshomaru-sama?"

But the great lord of the western lands could not hear his loyal servant's aggravating voice, as he was fast asleep slumped on the floor.

A peaceful expression on his usually cold face. But this peaceful sleep would not last for long and soon he would awaken only to remember the horrible things he had said...and to regret them greatly.

For he had lost the one person who had loved him the most.

* * *

RUN!

Her whole body ached inside out, she didn't care how much it hurt. She had to get away from the palace, this forest, and from him.

No don't think now just run, run far away from the one who hurt you. He truly was a cold and heartless demon; playing her like a fool. And she must have been a fool to believe that he might one day feel something for her, to think that he could love her in return.

But most of all, thought Rin through her tears, he was a coward for fearing love; the greatest emotion one could feel. She felt so empty inside like a barren waste land, it swept over her like an unwanted tidal wave crushing her spirit with every splash.

Running and running she didn't care where she would end up, who would find her, or if demons could kill her in one glance. She didn't care, she just didn't care, she had to keep on running because running made her forget her pain, made her forget him, it kept her stable and sane.

After a very long time of treading away from the castle, Rin began to slow down her rushed steps, looking at the clear blue sky, she noticed it was now morning and she should be looking for food and some kind of shelter as she rested her body, at least she could still do that. Besides she did not want to starve...or die...she wanted to live.

Fear consumed Rin, she had never gone this far out of the castle before not in a very long, long time. Everything seemed so foreign to her the road she had followed even the trees seemed different from her everyday surroundings in the forest.

Where am I? Curling herself up in a tight ball Rin willed herself not to cry as she stared off into nothingness.

This road I've been taking...it must lead to somewhere! And that somewhere could be a village where I could stay. A flitter of hope went through Rin as she began to walk her path with renewed strength.

I will find a village were people will except me, and maybe start a new life, like a real human being should.

Screams of terror off the farther side of the road caught Rin's attention as she quietly went in closer to see what was going on, hiding behind an old oak tree she watched.

"Gaahaahaa stupid boy, think you can save you're precious gifts of finery from my men and I?" The stranger screamed. "You're a greater fool than we first thought!"

A young man with a sword in hand and badly wounded shoulder stood his ground defiantly against the leader of a ugly band of youkai from his servants and carriage as it was being plundered.

An old man went in front of the young one as if to sacrifice himself. "Young Highness please don't, think of you're people, run while you can we can protect ourselves from the likes of these!" The young prince looked skeptical at his servant, pushing him out of the way.

"No Yuuta!"The prince yelled."I will protect all of you, it is my duty as you're next ruler and prince!"

Rin observed the compassionate speech from the shadows she hid herself in. She knew that she should leave quickly so the youkai wouldn't be able to sense her but...she felt compelled to help the poor people stuck in such a predicament. Climbing the trees carefully so that she couldn't be detected by the youkai bellow her, Rin used all the tricks she had learned as a child in self defense from youkai that would want to eat her.

"Owch!" Muttered a youkai while another ugly youkai had been hit with a stick, rubbing his head he looked accusingly at his friend.

"What you do that for arsehole?"

"Me I didn't do anything!"

"Ow, ow, ow!"

"Hey watch it!"

"I knew you never liked me but this is enough!"

"It wasn't me I'm telling ya!"

The youkai bandits soon began to feel the same thing as a shower of rocks, sticks, and mud hit them at every angle. Their leader obviously ticked began to yell at them.

"You incompetent fools quit fooling around and help me with this annoying human brat!"

And then the forest went absolutely quiet, eerily quiet.

"OhhhhhhhAhhhhhhhh!"

Scared both the youkai and humans looked high and low for where the voice was coming from, but no one knew.

"Hey boss what's that noise?"

Reassuring his crew even though he was shaking himself the youkai leader answered them the best way he could. "You idiots it's just the wind making that racket."

"OhhhhhhhAhhhhhhhhhhh I am the dark spirit of these woods and path! Those who bother my travelers will pay dearly!" The youkai were now more scared then ever some of them all ready running away from the humans and their carriage of riches. Fuming madly their leader shouted at them.

"You fools, it's just some kind of petty human trick!"

Once this had been said the stones and sticks flew harder at them. All of them had left panicky with their tails between their legs as the stones and sticks followed them. The only one left behind being their fearless leader."You cowards!"He screeched "Are you going to let stupid little things like this scare you!"

After a few minutes the not so fearless leader began to run after them. "Hey!" He hooted, "Wait for me!"

Relieved and greatly exhausted the servants and their prince cheered happily as they left.

"Kami has truly looked highly upon us this day, my prince, a great day to be remembered!"As the old man servant went on rambling about the miracles of Kami the prince noticed many movements in a near by bush. Raising his eyebrow he decided to investigate this new found being in their midst.

"Yes, Kami indeed."

Rin clutched her belly in laughter while sputtering hard for air as she jumped gracefully from the tree.

Those foolish youkai I bet they didn't see that coming! It really paid to take that beginners magic lesson from Sesshomaru, for if she hadn't she would never of learned how to make things levitate.

There was also that other thing he had taught her, something about projecting ones voice to make it sound like it was coming in all sorts of directions. Ventriloquism was it? Oh well it didn't matter now, she would never see him again, and soon she would be entering the village!

Rin froze when she heard footsteps coming her way. Heart pounding loudly in her ears Rin closed her eyes hard not knowing what to expect from her discoverer. Feeling the presence of another greatly she tried shutting her eyes harder.

This is absolutely ridiculous! I'm acting like I've been caught for some kind of crime which I did not commit! Opening one eye up Rin bravely looked at the person staring at her.

Hazel eyes stared interestingly back at her, a young man wearing elegant robes and a raven hair pulled back in a pony tail, was looking at her in awe. The Prince! That's who had found her out! Completely embarrassed Rin shyly looked at the ground for it was her first encounter with someone of high nobility or a man for that matter!

Taking his hand gently from his side the young prince smiled kindly at her as he offered his assistance in getting up off the ground. Smiling back gratefully and still blushing a bit Rin took his offered hand and pulled her self up.

"Hello fair maiden my name is Prince Yukio my kingdom is on the isles south of here, and I believe I' am forever in you're debt for saving my carriage from those youkai for it carries gifts from my cousin who lives with one of the noble families around this area." Rin seemed to be in a daze not listening to what he was saying as she stared up at his visage.

He's so handsome...he almost resembles Sesshomaru in a way, it must be his elegance. Shaking her head from that terrible thought, Rin pretended she had heard every thing he had been telling her.

"Yukio...he who gets what he wants..." She whispered.

The prince smirked at her merrily."Yes, quite fitting for a prince don't you think?" He was staring at her in such a strange way, not that it made her feel uncomfortable or anything it was doing the exact opposite.

"May I ask beautiful lady what you're name would be?"

Blushing pink Rin felt awkward all of a sudden.

"My name is Rin."

Smiling again the prince asked the question she had most dreaded out of this meeting.

"May I ask where you are from fair Rin?"

Oh dear, how was she going to answer this one...come on think fast Rin.

"Uh...I'm just a...wanderer I have no real home since my parents died." Well it was a half-truth her parents were dead, and she would have been dead too if those wolf demons had never killed her.

The prince looked at her taken aback, suspicion written all over his handsome face."That must be very hard on you, my dear, being such a pretty woman, don't you ever fear for you're well being with all these vermin running around?"

Rin looked quickly away from him, her body itching to leave, with a confidence that amazed herself she stood still.

"Oh, it's alright I can do just fine by myself, going from one village to the next, that reminds me I really should be going now." With a silent bow Rin began to walk quickly away from the engaging prince, but a hand reached out and pulled her to a halt.

"Please young lady it would honor me greatly if you would join me in traveling to my kingdom, it would sound a lot more appealing then a mere village, I suppose."

Touche, he got here there, and as much as Rin wouldn't want to admit it he had trapped her on a hard subject that seemed he was most correct about. How could she refuse such an offer? He was after all some prince from a far away island! Why not explore his world for a little while? It wasn't like she had anywhere better to go.

Sighing disdainfully Rin agreed a chagrin look coming over her features as she thought of how stupid she had been to try and disagree in the first place.

"Master Yukio!" The elderly sevant said solmnly bowing, "The carriage has been fixed you're highness."

Rin watched him leave motionlessly, for some reason she did not want to leave yet, taking in the beautiful scenery around her Rin new a part of her would miss the forest even if it was still alien to her. He turned to her his smiling eyes anxious for her to hurry.

"Come lady Rin we must leave quickly for we have a long journey ahead of ourselves."

Nodding her head Rin entered the carriage not knowing that she would be far from the clutches of a certain youkai she had once held to her heart dearly.

* * *

Two days had past since then.

Rin had learned many things about the prince named Yukio who claimed the next seat at his father's thrown. She had learned that the reason why he had left his cousin's in a hurry was that the cousin had owed a local lord money, promising the lord the hand of the prince in marriage to the lord's daughter.

Rin was transfixed as she watched the parade of emotions that had entered his face as he told her the whole story. He told her of his outrage, and how he had told his cousin he would pay off the debt himself, but it seemed they were still to be at odds with each other, even though the cousin had given him many gifts as an apology. It was funny to Rin how the rich of human society were not allowed to marry for love and only for alliances, while the poor could marry whoever they desired, she had said so herself to him.

He was very silent for a moment then he had asked her a question she had never expected.

"Would you ever marry for love Rin?" It was an innocent question enough, but the way he had said it, he sounded so forlorn like he didn't have a say in the matter where he was concerned.

"Yes...I suppose I would marry one day for love.."

"Do you have anyone in mind?"

Blushing crimson Rin felt sick, but answered the question given.

"No...not yet." Oh what a lie that had been! Of coarse she had someone on her mind, and that someone she wished would sorely to go away. Why must he punish her so with his image always stuck in her head? Just as the rich could find no love in an arranged marriage, youkai who were mated to each other could never love as well, Rin thought bitterly.

Ohhhh!Treacherous mind! Rin flushed as she felt the sudden rush of embarrassment as she remembered who she was with. But prince Yukio did not seem to mind as he was too preoccupied looking out the window to notice her souring in moods.

"You will love the islands lady Rin they are so pretty this time of year." Rin agreed with him silently as she wondered what mysteries she would discover about human life on the isles of Yukio's kingdom.

They had finally arrived and what a sight to see! Such a wonderful tropical paradise he lived in, it took her very breath away! The prince informed her this was just a small part of his kingdom they would soon be arriving at the royal palace, that he said was truly magnificent than this rural area.

And what a splendid palace it was! It was the most enriching kingdoms Rin had ever seen, far wider then the small castle she had known as a child. What kind of upbringing did these people have? And how would she ever be able to fit in to their way of life?

Seeing her nervousness prince Yukio grasped her hand in his, his hazel eyes softening."Do not worry lady Rin you shall be fine here among the islanders, they may seem a bit haughty in attitude, but they will warm up to you like I have."

Not understanding his intended meaning Rin smiled at him in her own way thanking him for comforting her.

The palace gates opened swiftly to them as they passed through the villages, and the villagers who cheered for their prince as they passed along. Standing now inside of the gardened area of tropical flowers Rin stared in wonder at the gigantic doors that separated herself from the highborn of birth residing inside.

Taking her hand Yukio slowly lead her along the exterior as servants huddled all around them asking if they needed anything. Yukio called to a maid who suddenly came to Rin's side telling her to ready Rin up for her meeting with his father.

Confused by what was going on Rin looked towards the prince for an answer.

"Rin I want you to meet my father the king soon, I must go and prepare him for you're company, please go freshen yourself up while I get things in order."

The maid took her by the wrist and nudged her to the large stairway. "This way my lady, we need to clean you up if you are to greet the king rightly."

Rin felt a little outraged at her words but never showed it, looking at her mud dragged clothes from all that running she had done she supposed the maid spoke the truth, and began following her up the stairs. For the first time in her life Rin had, had someone else dress her and do her hair for her. It felt very strange for her because she was so used to doing it by herself, it made her feel like a princess.

When the maidservants had finished they cooed with envy as they looked her over again and again. Giving Rin a mirror she looked at herself in surprise. She really did look as they said she did, but their was something that bothered her. The kimono she wore resembled the one that Sesshomaru had gotten her as a present for her sixteenth birthday...the only difference was this one didn't shape as well to her curves a lot more than the other kimonos Sesshomaru had given her.

I shouldn't be thinking about that now at a time when I should be enjoying my stay here! Besides he lied to me I should hate him...

But that was the problem...even though she willed her heart to hate him with all her being, she truly couldn't do it, it was as if her heart still remained with him even though she left him...and that was the worst part of all. Feeling the all to knowing twinge of pain begin to ache her mind Rin jumped when she heard one of the male servants enter her room.

"My lady, his majesty and his court is ready to see you."

Rin took his proposal and began to descend the stairs entering the ballroom. So many people are here! I never knew my saving the prince would be such a big deal!

When she had walked in the merriment had suddenly dimmed slightly Rin walked nervously to where the throne was as she saw how the noblemen and ladies gossiped about her as she passed by, making her all the more edgy.

Seeing the familiar figure of prince Yukio striding purposely towards her lessened her fear greatly as she smiled freely at him.

"Ah, lady Rin you look gorgeous as ever!" He proudly exclaied."Here I have a gift for you." Slowly he took from his hand a exotic flower that Rin had never seen before in her life.

Rin's tranquil eyes filled with pleasure when he handed the keepsake to here, but the moment was not meant to be as mummers began to rise from the crowd, and the one who sat on the throne 'Ahmed' to them to hurry up.

"Father allow me to present to you the woman who saved my life from the youkai I was telling you about!" Yukio pushed the excitable Rin towards the king as he spoke a grin forming on his face as he watched her fidget under his father's scrutiny. The kings gruff features smiled into Rin's as he began to ask her questions that the court were dying to know.

"Young woman who saved my son from youkai thieves state your name and occupation."

Fumbling with her words Rin tried to answer him the best way she could with her sudden attack of shyness.

"My name, you're majesty, is Rin and I...I'am..."

What was she? Come on Rin think fast you could do this before don't screw up now.

"I am..." A pin drop could probably be heard the ball room was so silent no one dared make a sound. What could she tell him? Certainly not the truth!

'My occupation you're highness was that I was a foolish little girl who clung to the lord of the western lands, who happens to be a demon who hates humanity with a passion.' I'm sure that would win them over in a heart beat, thought Rin sarcastically.

Wait wasn't she good at fooling those youkai with her tricks? And she could defend herself well enough from dangerous youkai, couldn't she?

With determination that Rin had never felt before she looked the king straight in the eyes.

"My name is Rin and I you're majesty am a youkai hunter!"

Gasps of outrage filled the court like wild fire as whispers of disapproval were heard. Rin kept her head bowed low, worrying that they hadn't boughten her story at all.

But it had done they exact opposite, for there was no doubt the king believed her by the way she was bowing her head, in what he assumed, in shame for becoming a youkai hunter as such a young child, and from what his son had told him she was also a wanderer who went from village to village, probably to help them from their youkai problems.

Filled with pity for the young girl before him the king finally silenced the crowd and spoke.

"A youkai hunter you say?" "For one so small that is a very honorable thing!" The king gazed off among the crowd daring anyone who thought otherwise against his word .Rin sighed greatly with relief thanking Kami that she had fallen upon a kind king.

The court now cheering for the youkai hunter that had saved their prince from harm, a true was absolutely glowing with their praise of her, Rin had never felt so exulted before.

Catching the eyes of the prince on her Rin smiled at him, thanking him for bringing her here in her heart. This was her new life now. She must leave behind the pain of the past and move on into the future.

Without Sesshomaru.

For she must now live up to her name that the islanders had cheered her as.

No longer the innocent and naive little girl...

She was Rin the youkai hunter.


End file.
